Friday, July 29, 2011

I Have This Suddenly Brilliant Idea.

     I have been watching the news with ever increasing feelings of gloom and depression. The United States, starting with naked greed and galloping stupidity, augmented by indifference and pomposity, has been in a monetary free fall for some time, heading toward a financial depression the likes of which this world has never seen.

     Even today – moments ago – I heard that Congress is debating a bill that, in theory, would keep the country from defaulting on debts that will become due in just a few days. Only – funny this – it’s already acknowledged that the bill will be voted down after the tedious debaters have been sated.

     Here’s my first idea. When a foreign country acts in a way we consider irresponsible, we impose sanctions against them. At this dramatic point in time wouldn't it be quite reasonable for the UN to invite Poland or France or Spain to come over and sink a few concrete barges in New York harbor until we come to our senses?

     Or – here’s an even better idea. All the people “in charge,” from the President on down, keep telling me that they all work for me, and that if I’m not happy with their work, I’m certainly encouraged to vote someone else into office.

     Well, I gotta tell ya, I am NOT happy with your work, and I’ve tried that “voting someone else into office” thing, and that hasn’t seen much in the way of change, either.

     So here’s my second idea. If the Congress and the Senate and the Executive branch all work for me, sorry guys, your efforts are appreciated but not good enough. In other words, you are fired. No, actually those ARE the words. Your services are no longer required. As of today. Now. Please turn in your keys at the front desk by four o’clock this afternoon, and your personal property may be picked up in cardboard boxes on the loading dock starting at nine tomorrow morning.

     At the same time, suddenly we have a large number of employment opportunities. “Line forms on the left,” we can say, and “no experience necessary.” (Certainly that would be the truth.) Everybody is on a 90 day trial period. Love it!

     Or finally … if all else fails, we look up the person or organization or business who is in fact running Great Britain these days and tell them “we were only kidding” a couple of hundred years ago and “couldn’t they take a joke” and “it was all just a misunderstanding” and stuff like that … (God knows they’ve bought our line before. Maybe if we promise to give India back to them … or Nebraska.)




phinz said...

Makes sense to me. Let's do it.

Except I have family in Nebraska so maybe we could give them, oh, Puerto Rico instead. And since European airports are so much better protected and run, maybe they could get rid of the snarling deadbeat employees at PR and it would be (dare I say it?) nice to fly thru there again!

Views from Malmesbury said...

Nebraska? How does Nebraska fit into this? You were right, I see there's been no agreement yet but I'm hoping it's all publicity grandstanding and that they're plotting a last minute agreement. This must have been known about for some time, it can't have taken them by surprise. What a pair of countries we are, neither of us can put up sensible politicians (not words generally seen in the same sentence!) I hope you manage to get it sorted, for your sakes and for ours. After all, it's not for nothing the phrase "when America sneezes, Britain catches cold" - time to stock up on the hankies? Oh, and go, go go with the "fireing", that's something I'd love to see, and for us to copy!