Sunday, November 7, 2010

Weary ...

It gets that way sometime.

It's again late at night ...

Huh. Not really. It's twenty after eleven. Seems later. Much.

The play opens in six days and suddenly the theatre and others want to make changes. The producer, a woman with dubious talent and the uncanny ability to spout inane pedantic and totally cloying advice, sweetly suggests I count to ten, and then everything will be just fine.

I want to count to one and then kill her. It's the humane thing to do - I want to put her out of my misery.

But I won't. Instead I'll watch my vision pecked by people who do so in order to advance their own agendas ,,, It's happened before, and eventually I dropped away for ... years ... because I wanted something pure and was optimistic enough to think that next time I would get it.

But next time was no different from the last time, or the time before that, or the hundreds of times before that ...

So I will count to ten and tell myself that everything will be just fine because what I really really really really want is to be really really really mediocre.

Are there enough pills or drinks or drugs in the world to allow me to believe that? Dear God, why did you plant in me the desire to create - to reflect something of You - and then surround me with morons?!

Or maybe I'll just drop away again.

For good.

4 comments:

Q said...

I hear your pain and frustration, and experience it everyday at my job... It gets so tiring. But I think of it like tension on a rope in a tug-of-war; if not for us on the one end pulling with all our mights, then the opposite side would have the advantage, and everything would shift to the substandard extreme. With us pulling, it might only remain at mediocre, but don't underestimate the amount of energy it takes to keep it from quickly going south of mediocre. Not sure if that makes sense....
Q

Anonymous said...

I for one enjoy your take on life and have sorely missed it over the past few months. Come on by and be yourself. Your friends miss you.
Write On.

Views from Malmesbury said...

Big day tomorrow. Break a leg!

Views from Malmesbury said...

Quite right, Anonymous. I've missed it too. Come on, In Xanadu, keep us company, we appreciate you.