103 Things You May Not Know About Me

These are not listed in the order in which they occurred, only in which I thought of them. Nor are they necessarily the most important things about my life.


1. What I do, I take very seriously. Myself I never take seriously at all.

2. I know a man who was born when Franklin Pierce was President. (I haven’t seen this man recently.)

3. I was in the first grade for two years.

4. My agent used to advertise me as “the third dead Indian from the left.”

5. When I was five my best friends were Jeff and Tony.

6. At one time I herded sheep as a part-time job.

7. The people who mean the most to me don’t fall comfortably into “types.” (Nor do they wish to.)

8. I love sailing and horseback riding.

9. I make tuna salad better than anybody I know.

10. Judy Piper was my first girlfriend.

11. I retired unbeaten as a master swordsman.

12. My first play was produced when John Kennedy was President, but I don’t think he saw it.

13. The rum I like best is not imported into the United States.

14. I am ambidextrous.

15. My favorite colors are greens and browns. Earth colors.

16. I’ve lived in five states. One of them was California. The others weren’t.

17. One of my best friends in the whole world is a small dog named Herman.

18. I have driven several hundreds of miles through Canada.

19. I have driven several hundreds of feet through Mexico.

20. Beating on a hollow log with a stick was considered cutting edge technology when I first started working in broadcasting.

21. I can handle any answer except “yes.”

22. I’ve always wanted to visit Russia.

23. For a peanut butter cookie, I’ll say nice things about you in my next play. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a commission.

24. I’m still waiting to discover what I’m qualified to do in real life. I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from UCLA.

25. I’m an Evangelical Christian.

26. I like model airplanes made out of wood.

27. It’s much easier for me to avoid temptation if it isn’t offered.

28. I enjoy mowing the lawn.

29. My birthday is on December 26th. It’s been on the same date every year for as far back as I can remember.

30. I can communicate in four languages, and read a fifth.. After I learned the third one, I discovered I could no longer spell in any of ‘em.

31. Both of my eyes are brown.

32. I danced with Marge Champion once. Given the opportunity, I’d do it again.

33. I have a great appetite for real Greek salads.

34. I’ve picked my way along the edge of both North American oceans. I’ve waded out the length of a city block into the Gulf of Mexico.

35. I’ve always enjoyed being married except when the toilet overflows.

36. I directed my 100th stage play in 1994.

37. To my true astonishment, I’ve discovered I thoroughly appreciate fine poetry. When did that happen?

38. I am one-quarter American Indian, but I don’t know which quarter.

39. I’ve been in 42 of the United States. I’ve never been in one I didn’t like.

40. When I’m not writing, I’m reading.

41. My first car was a very old 1939 Chevy coup.

42. Hugh O’Brian once asked me if he could use my telephone.

43. I never learned how to skate backwards.

44. I’ve always wanted to fly in a B-17.

45. Everyone I vote for, loses. This knowledge could be a real source of power.

46. I collect unusual teapots.

47. The more words I learn, the more aware I become that I haven’t learned that many words.

48. I’ve been in one opera and one ballet, just so I could experience what that was like. I learned that whoever designed tights probably hated men.

49. Until recently, I always thought a pod was something aliens came out of, in order to take over our bodies while we slept.

50. I’ve been told I’m a romantic in the classic sense of the word. After a great amount of deliberation, I think I like that.

51. I’m a feminist. On purpose. I think I like that, as well.

52. I believe in miracles. I’ve seen too many of ‘em to be a doubter.

53. I have a suit that was hand made for me in Hong Kong. It looks almost like the suit I bought in the mall down the street. As a rule I don’t feel completely at ease around those people who can easily spot the differences.

54. Every time it snows I wonder why I still live in a part of the country where it snows.

55. Friends can talk me into doing things beyond my normal inclinations. This post is a prime example.

56. I couldn’t catch a ball if it had Elmer’s glue on it. That’s a line from A CHORUS LINE, but it applies.

57. I spent a short season employed as a Flamenco dancer. I was so embarrassingly bad that even I couldn’t stand me. Since I had no sword, I’d occasionally throw myself on a bottle of Tequila. Ole’.

58. I’ve always had a fierce wanderlust.

59. I was thrilled the first time an actor spoke words that I had written.

60. Roger was my best friend in High School. He died in an auto accident right after we graduated.

61. I’m not comfortable sleeping where there’s a possibility that a buffalo might step on me.

62. I consider myself an old-fashioned adult Sunday School teacher.

63. If I was asked to select a hair color that most represents me, I probably couldn’t.

64. I’m strongly opposed to amnesty for illegal aliens. I’m strongly opposed to rewarding anyone’s illegal activities, except for maybe grey squirrels.

65. I’m also not in favor of global warming. Just because I don’t want it to snow here doesn’t mean I don’t want it to snow where my ex-wife lives.

66. When I’m not writing or reading, I’m sleeping.

67. My favorite art style is Art Deco. I like Max Parrish, Vinny Van Gogh. My favorite living artist is Steve Hanks.

68. I don’t have a favorite performer, however I have two favorite film directors; John Ford and Leni Riefenstahl. I like them both for exactly the same reasons.

69. When I’m working on a play, I’ve done my best thinking while walking. I’ve gotten lost a few times.

70. I’m beginning to really like Lutherans.

71. 23-28-13 was our Post Office Box lock combination when I was three. I was told never to forget that number, and I never have.

72. I am most impressed with how sophisticated Canadians are. They put gravy on their French fries.

73. I think children should be seen and not often.

74. I’d like to win a Pulitzer Prize, and I’d like to be interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today show. There. Now you know all my secrets.

75. I have a friend who has six children. I admire the fact that she doesn’t seem all that much different from the rest of us.

76. I rarely wear shoes and socks. I’m most comfortable in moccasins, an old pair of jeans, and a flannel shirt. Maybe it’s an Indian thing.

77. When I was a college freshman, I worked as a busboy in a sorority.

78. When I was 12 I had the biggest heaviest meanest Schwinn bicycle known to man. A few years later I hung it up on the side wall of the garage. For years I never gave it a thought. Lately, and for reasons I choose not to dwell on, I’ve wondered if that bike was still there. Probably not. I’ve wondered if that garage was still there. Probably not.

79. There have been times in my life when I’ve wanted to just pick a direction and go. And I’ve done it.

80. I used to sing in a quartet. We weren’t very good, and that’s a fact. But it was fun.

81. I can read Egyptian hieroglyphics reasonably well. (It’s not a gift – it’s a language class like any other.) Problem is – with whom do I correspond?

82. I enjoy eating raw peanuts right off the plant.

83. Contrary to how much fun Gene Kelly makes it appear to be, I’ve never tried singing in the rain.

84. My mother used to make soap, and I used to eat it when she wasn’t looking.

85. I’m qualified by the FAA to taxi certain specific airplanes around an airport.

86. I like being a part of other people’s lives, and I like having them be a part of mine.

87. I have a fondness for cucumber sandwiches.

88. The last time I wore a necktie was three years ago.

89. The last time I wore a horned Viking helmet was … Oops. Never mind. I’m still wearing it.

90. I think red M&M’s taste much better than the green ones.

91. I used to be quite good at falling off a horse.

92. I have two Emmy awards. A TV station is holding one, and the other one I use as a doorstop.

93 I search blogs for samples of personality eccentricities.

94. I am roughly 40 in hippopotamus years.

95. I’m getting tired of watching sound bites of people running for president – even the people I like.

96. I was born in Chicago, in the hospital where the TV show ER is supposedly filmed.

97. At one time I belonged to a military organization called “Pershing’s Rifles.” Colin Powell belonged to the same organization, but I don’t remember seeing him at any of the luncheons.

98. I once found a high altitude weather balloon. Nobody I know ever thought it was part of a flying saucer.

99. My first paying job was stacking firewood for a grade school teacher.

100. I have a younger sister. What I really wanted was a border collie.

101. Sometimes I drink too much coffee.

102. I used to hypnotize people.

103. I’m amazed that so many trivium can be stuffed into one life.