The best soprano I've ever heard

A New Play

I'm working on a new play - a man running for re-election, and filled with self doubt. Here's the first few pages:

SCENE

AT RISE: Evening. Dark brooding shadows blanket the walls, with only defused light from distant windows to make the darkness uneven. Overhead lights cast unflattering pools of lights intermittently  around the portico floors. At rise MISTER PRESIDENT is standing quietly, lost in thought. CHARLIE enters.  

CHARLIE

(Speaking into a walkie-talkie.)

I found him. South Portico. No, it’s ok, we’re coming.

(To MISTER PRESIDENT)

Mister President? Excuse me, sir.

MISTER PRESIDENT

What is it, Charlie?

CHARLIE

We need to go back in.

MISTER PRESIDENT

I have my coat. It’s ok.

CHARLIE

They want to go over your speech one more time.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Oh. Well that’s nice.

CHARLIE

You’re on the air in twenty minutes.

MISTER PRESIDENT

I know.

CHARLIE

Twenty minutes.

 MISTER PRESIDENT

“Fellow Americans. Good evening. Buenas noches. Erev tov. Masa el-khair. This is your President speaking, and I’m taking this opportunity to formally announce that I am running for re-election. Now there’s a surprise. And why am I doing this? That is the question, isn’t it? Because the past four years have not been as bad as everyone predicted they would be, and the consensus of opinion now suggests that with me in office the next four years will more than likely be just about the same – and that’s not a bad thing, now is it? Because I’ve looked over the other candidates – I’m sure you have, too – and wondered just what rock most of them crawled out from under. I’m doing this because it’s expected I would do this.

(a pause)

 Because to do anything else would be to admit defeat - for some obscure reason a journalistic underling will create - in his spare time - on a Sunday afternoon fifteen years from now. I’m doing this because I enjoy bleeding – especially in public.” Did I say it right?

CHARLIE

I think you said it all.

MISTER PRESIDENT

I haven’t even started.

CHARLIE

You don’t really feel that way.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Sometimes, Charlie. Sometimes.

CHARLIE

You don’t intend to say anything like that on television, do you?

MISTER PRESIDENT

Probably not. No. Of course not.

CHARLIE

We should be going in.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Do you know what someone asked me the other day?

CHARLIE

When?

 MISTER PRESIDENT

The, uh, the national vegetable something festival. The kids? You remember.

CHARLIE

We should be going in.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Charlie. Humor me.

CHARLIE

I remember.

MISTER PRESIDENT

So there we are, sailing along smartly if I do say so myself, and they never once suspected the only way I recognize corn is because it says so on the can. I mean, I was born and raised in Detroit, for God’s sake, what did they expect?

(A pause)

And if you tell me one more time we should be going in, I will fire you on the spot.

(a pause)

So – anyway – we’re sailing through the Q and A section – yes, I have a dog, yes, his name is Herman, no, he does not sleep with me, and this little poop holds up one hand – red hair? Freckles? Looks like Howdy Doody? Google it. Anyway, I can already taste the dirty martini that’s waiting for me, when “Why do you want to be President again?” And this stops me dead in my tracks. Why did I want to be President again? Do you know who our greatest President was? Don’t answer that – I’ll tell you. George Washington. Thoughts?

CHARLIE

None I’d care to share at the moment.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Wise decision. Now I am aware that in saying that, scholars will most certainly disagree, and categorically declare Jefferson as our greatest President – or Lincoln, Roosevelt, whomever, and they will give you every reason in the world to support their assumptions. And they would be wrong. Washington was the man. And why? Because he served his term and then quit. He did his best in the time allotted to him by the Constitution and then packed up his bags and went home. The man could have been king! Certainly half the country wanted a king. But he knew – for the good of the nation he helped create – when it was time to step off the stage.

CHARLIE

Are you saying that’s what you should do?

 MISTER PRESIDENT

Thinking about it. Howdy Doody got me thinking about it. Why did I want to be President again? For that matter, why did I want to be president in the first place?  Four years ago I could tell you – did tell you. I want to be President because I have a vision for America – a passion. And the course of action is – was – so very very clear. Four years later the vision is not so clear. I want to … finish what I started. Something like that. Do you know the White House has a cook on staff twenty-four hours a day?

CHARLIE

Yes.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Honestly. I want to be re-elected because I hate the thought of giving up hot fudge sundaes at three-thirty in the morning. Real fudge – home made. Where do they come up with it? I don’t know. How’s that for incentive? Not only that, but – are you bored?

CHARLIE

No sir. Not a bit.

MISTER PRESIDENT

You yawned.

CHARLIE

No I didn’t. Sir. Respectfully.

MISTER PRESIDENT

If I’m boring you, the Governor of Pango-Pango is still complaining because he hasn’t found someone to clean the goose droppings off the capital steps on a regular basis. Say the magic word and the job is yours.

CHARLIE

Mister President …

MISTER PRESIDENT

(HE holds an imaginary cell phone to his ear and speaks into it.)

Hello Air Force? Do you have anything that on a good day might make it to the American Samoa Islands? Perfect. Thank you.

(HE puts the “phone” back in his pocket.)

CHARLIE

Mister President …

MISTER PRESIDENT

You’re in luck – booked first class on the Amelia Earhart Special. Non-stop. Well, …

CHARLIE

Paul …

MISTER PRESIDENT

Now that’s a low blow.

CHARLIE

Why are you doing this?

MISTER PRESIDENT

What?

CHARLIE

Bushido. Death before dishonor. You do it every time you run for office.

MISTER PRESIDENT

(I’m) Clueless.

CHARLIE

“If I’m not elected, I can claim I didn’t want the job in the first place.”

MISTER PRESIDENT

Charlie, Charlie …

CHARLIE

Forgive me, Mister President, but that’s the truth.

MISTER PRESIDENT

Mister President? What happened to “Paul?”

CHARLIE

A mistake. Won’t happen again.

Thoughts?

Five Plays

At the moment I am in the process of writing five plays simultaneously.

I never planned to do that - who would?

Two of the plays are on commission. Fortunately they are both short - twenty minutes each. One is about politics, the other is open to whatever I want (so it's about politics as well. The first company will get a choice.)

Play three is actually one my wife and I wrote together six years ago, and has spent its life sitting on a shelf. Her book, PAINTING THE RAIN, is a novelized version of the play. In short, people started asking about the play, so it is being dusted off and polished.

Play four is another co-author deal. I have a friend (another contest winning playwright), and we are writing a play together about elves. (Not Elvis - elves!) Since she lives in another state, we email dialogue back and forth in Dropbox. So far this has been quite enjoyable.

And play five is, I suppose, another political. A man is running for President, and bit by bit you discover he is in an asylum and mentally ... uh ... insecure. The point here being that anyone who runs for President (and has any clue at all in regard to what's going to happen to him) cannot possibly be entirely sane, Cute idea. I hope it works.

That's it for now. More later.

j